"...instead of screaming, I ran."

“I had to do something to shake up my life and get back some sense of control and trust in the world and along the way fill the hollow space. I needed to rebel against these negative forces, to scream so loud and for so long that the anger living inside me would evacuate forever. But instead of screaming, I ran.”  

 - Gail Kislevitz, First Marathons

Yesterday morning a friend sent this quote to me and said it reminder her of me and how I’ve talked about how running came into my life at the perfect time. It’s not that I think God wanted my marriage to end but I do think God knows how to line your life up perfectly and give you exactly what you need.

• January 2011 I wasn’t a runner, I was overweight, and out of shape and a shell of the strong girl I once was. 
• January 2012 I had started running just a couple months before, at nearly the end of my 85lb weight loss. I started finding strength - mental and physical - that I forgot existed within. I started remembering what happiness really felt like. 
• January 2013 my world came crashing down… but the prior years had prepared me to withstand. I had gained mental strength from running and found an outlet for all that haunted me – the pain, the anger, the confusion – I ran it out. I had built my support system with a base of long-time friends and a few key new friends whose friendships were perfectly timed.

Do you need to shake up your life? Do you need to rebel against the negative forces? Go for a run. Take a cross fit class. Join the gym. Fitness is an amazing outlet for life. It saved me.

One of my favorite places to run. This route clears my mind. 

A Long Overdue Update... 26.2 Miles

"The person who starts the marathon is not the same person who finishes the marathon." 

 26.2 Miles.

Those miles changed my life.

The training, my training partners, my supporters… it all changed me.

It’s no secret that when I registered for the Marine Corps Marathon I was in the midst of the biggest struggle of my life. Running (and everything it gave me) kept me going. There were many days the only reason I got out of bed was to meet my training partners for our morning run - it was accountability for me. If I didn’t show up, there would be texts, questions, concerns.

In the weeks before the race I began to mentally struggle with whether or not I could do it. Could I really run 26.2 miles? Finally I remembered all I had been through. I remembered running through tears & heart breaking pain and all the people that never let me quit. These people had picked me up when I was down and carried me on. The amazing people in my life had brought me this far and I couldn’t let them down.

I also realized that this year, the pain, the challenges, the heartbreak... it changed me for the better. It broke me into pieces, only to rebuild me into something better. Out of the most painful experience in my life I was given a new world full of so many blessings, I cannot begin to express them all. Crossing the finish line of those 26.2 miles was more than just a finish line for the marathon. It was a finish line for the past, I left things on the course I needed to forget and I then crossed the start line of a new world for me. 

In the most perfect timing ever, "Good in Goodbye" came on just as I crossed the finish line. 

"As bad as it was, yeah, as bad as it hurt
I thank God I didn’t get what I thought that I deserved
Sometimes life leads you down a different road
When you’re holding on to someone that you got to let go
Someday you’ll see the reason why
There’s good in goodbye"

Pre-Race

Kuhlmann & I Post Race in the Beer Garden

Patty, Stacey & I Post Race

26.2 Miles Later!

P.S. - I had the most AMAZING marathon experience - better than I could have ever imagined! I am so blessed and thankful for a GREAT race day.

A Post from the Past

I found this blog I drafted back in February and never posted. It’s raw & honest and very true to the pain I’ve felt over the last 4 months…

From February:

“True Strength is holding it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart.”  – Unknown 

Running has been my solace over the last 4 weeks. Yoga – where you’re forced to stop and be still – has been my arch nemesis. I’ve struggled day in and day out but I’ve still laced up my running shoes and pounded the pavement. I’ve cried through runs, struggled to breathe and fought to finish but I have kept going. Those hard runs have been just like my life these last 4 weeks…. Painful. A struggle. A fight to make it through. There have been many times I just want to quit, wave the white flag and retreat to a hiding place. I’m still trying to battle my way through life everyday… hoping that the battle one day ends and I’m back to a place I can call “normal”.. a new normal, but a normal none-the-less. 

A big thank you to everyone who has lent their shield or their sword to help me make it through the battle that is my life right now. I will never forget the strength I have been given from others to get up and keep going every day. 

Hello.. Summer?

It seems we skipped spring completely and went directly to summer. My weather app said 63 degrees this AM at 5 o'clock in the morning. WHAT?! I checked a different app just to be sure!

I didn't want to stop running this morning because for once I was running in a TANK TOP! So 6 miles turned into 8. Then I had to wear a new sundress to work because it was just too pretty not to!

I'm going to start hating how much I'm sweating but this morning, I enjoyed every second.

Starting Out The New Year!

The day started with me deciding I should dress a little more "fun" for my run! 

We had fun saying "Happy New Year" to everyone we saw.

Then Patty & I rocked out a killer (for me) run! 

Then I rewarded myself with my favorite...

My latest tea obsession is Vanilla Rooibos! 

Let's go 2013! Back to work tomorrow after almost 2 weeks off. 

Tomorrow will be my 2 Year Anniversary at my job too! 

Blessed <3

xoxo

Life Changed.

My life changed when I lost the weight.

Coming to terms with it all has been hard. I know that probably sounds ridiculous, but this hasn't been easy.

I'm still not "skinny" and my body has lots of flaws, but it's mine and I have and still do work hard for it. I love that it takes me running for miles or hiking with friends. I'm not perfect but my life has changed. And for that, I'm so thankful!

Before

After

Surf 'n Santa 10 Miler

Last weekend I ran the Surf 'n Santa 10 Miler in VA Beach with Maddi (we ran my first half marathon together in VA Beach in September). We had a blast running this fun run in costume!

We were dressed as Cindy Lou Who and the Grinch of course! We made our tutus, so fun & easy!

With Maddi's friend Gina

After the race Maddi made sure we had an amazing weekend of fun in VA Beach! 

Relaxing at the Beach

Ice Skating for the First Time Ever!

Phone in Tarje!

Saturday (October 27) was my 1 year run anniversary.

I lost the first half of my weight by walking, at a very fast pace & high incline on my treadmill.

On October 27, 2011 while at the beach with friends I mentioned that my goal for that year (2011) was to lose the weight, the next year (2012) I’d focus on trying to run a 5K. My friend went out running and pushed me to complete a 5K run… and I did it. Thanks to her push even when I felt like dying, I made it through.

At that time although I had accomplished a 5K run, I was still just running to lose the weight. I started running 4 miles 5-6X a week. Once I lost the weight (December 2011) I started running to maintain the weight loss (a couple miles 5-6X a week). Then, that same friend came home for a visit and we went for a 4 mile run, I hadn’t tackled 4 miles in a few months but I was surprised how I still could. She was preparing to run another half marathon, and it inspired me.

A couple months later I ran my first 5K race. Then I ran a 10K a couple months later. Then, a couple months after the 10K, I completed my first half marathon. I don’t have to run to lose weight now. I run because it gave me my life back. No, correction, It gave me a life I never knew I could have. It reminded me I was strong, and nothing is impossible. It reminded me to dream again and not to accept less than the best.

1 year ago I ran 3.1 miles for the first time ever on Virginia Trail in the Outer Banks. On vacation in the OBX this past September I ran 4-6 miles almost every day. What a difference one year makes. 

October 25, 2012 - Out before a concert in Roanoke, VA

Still Giddy...

Whenever someone asks me how Baltimore went, I'm STILL giddy with excitement! I LOVED the race and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to love one as much as that one! I really want to run Baltimore again next year. I'll be watching out for sign ups!

11 Miles w/ a 5K PR

I signed up for a charity 5K (The MaDee Project) with my running buddy Patty. I kind of wanted to race it and try to PR over my first (and only) 5K back in May (I don't count Color Me Rad because it's not timed).

I knew it would be challenging to try to race it to PR since my first 5K was an 8:45 average and I generally run 9-9:30. Patty explained the route was hilly and we may just be better off to build it into a long run. I agreed and we made a plan to run to the 5K from the park, run the 5K and then run back to the park.

Friday night I realized I didn't calculate the entrance to the museum grounds where the 5K was being held, that would add almost 2 more miles, making it 11 miles. I also realized it was going to be a hilly 11 miles. I got scared and texted Patty. She convinced me it'd be OK (because we'd have some rests built into our run).

I didn't "fuel" well the night before either... I had crabcakes with some spicy sauce at a new Mediterranean restaurant. So I texted my other running buddy Kuhlmann (who I went to Baltimore with) and he basically said "you ran 13 miles last weekend, you'll be fine." I'm convinced I could tell him I'm running 20 miles tomorrow and he'd say "you can do it/you'll be fine."

I often let my mental game get in the way. Thank goodness for my running buddies because they always convince me I can do things.

 Saturday morning came and Patty & I started out at the park. We ran 3 miles to Sheetz, bought a drink and headed towards the museum. As soon as we hit the entrance we realized there were no street lights on the mile entrance to the museum... YIKES. I didn't wear my hat light because I knew it'd be daylight after the first 4 miles. Luckily, I had my cell phone in my spi-belt for emergencies (we went sans-music), so I turned on my flashlight app and we kept going. We were definitely lucky, that would not have been a fun mile with absolutely no light.

We had picked our bibs up the day before so we were ready to go for the race. We spent the half hour stretching, hydrating and chatting with other runners/walkers. I hadn't planned to wear my long sleeve pullover (Lululemon Star Runner Pullover in Purple) but I am so glad I did... it was cold!

We started out at the front of the line (wow! never done that before) and took off. We took off pretty fast but reeled it in a bit. We were still going fast but it felt good. There was a girl in pink (part of the "Rack Pack" for breast cancer) that was in front of us the entire first loop (race was 2 loops for 5K). At the start of the second loop I said "I want to pass her!" - probably a bit too loud (sorry!!) - but I meant it in the nicest way possible. She had been keeping me going and was pulling away. I suddenly decided I might not pass her but I wanted to keep her in sight. We sped up trying to stay with her and the run started to hurt.

I found out later she had heard me, but was VERY sweet! When we caught up to her running she told us we were doing great (as was she!) and encouraged us. Patty had more to give so I told her to GO. For the rest of the run I had Patty up ahead "pulling" me on and Awesome-Rack-Pack-Runner right on my heels pushing me forward. I would not have ran that fast if not for them... I yelled at one point "THIS IS NOT MY HAPPY PACE."

It was a hilly 5K with pavement, grass and gravel. I was so HAPPY to see the finish (although it did go by very fast!). And as I crossed the finished the timing guy said "26:17" and I was so excited that I had a new PR!!

I chugged water, ate an apple, relaxed a bit and thanked Rack Pack Runner for being my "rabbit" (her term that I love!). Then we hit the road for the 4 miles home. It was a bit hilly at first and I was so thankful for a long downhill. We kept up a really good pace and ended with a nice average pace for the day! It wasn't the same as a straight 11 mile run but I know I ran my heart out, especially during the 5K!!

Thanks to Patty I achieved a new PR AND had a heck of a long run!

Hot Pink Compression Sleeves in the Background

13.1 Round Two... Oh How I Love Thee

Saturday I ran the Baltimore Half Marathon (my second Half Marathon). It (thankfully) was not nearly as challenging as my first Half Marathon (Virginia Beach RnR).

I was not prepared for how cold it was Saturday morning. I brought a throw away shirt but that's it. Thankfully I was given a pair of old throwaway gloves. Next time I will have a shirt, gloves AND pants that I can wear until right before the race starts.

Pre-Race - I had to ditch the headband in my bag before the race

I went with Kuhlmann (middle), who I run with at home, he ran the full marathon (and killed it). We stayed with his college friend (left) who also ran the half marathon (and did awesome).

Pre-Race

13.1 Miles – 

Miles 0-2 were frustrating because I was constantly dodging people.. but that just comes with the big races I guess (25,000 people running). I dodged people through the rest of the course but the first couple miles were not good. I was in corral 3 based on my estimated 2:15 finish time and for the first quarter mile I was going around a 11/min pace because I couldn't break out of the crowd.

Miles 3-6 were good, I kept reminding myself I do 6 miles almost every day so this was just another run so far. I turned on my music – which I had issues with the entire race. First it was stuck on repeat, and then it wouldn’t skip songs. I didn’t let it get me worked up tho, there was a great crowd of fans and tons of runners. I enjoyed listening to the runners around me talk. Well except for the guy who took the business phone call and yelled at the person about how he was running a half marathon and they shouldn’t be calling him…

Miles 7-9 I ate my gatorade shot blocks around mile 8 and just settled into enjoying the run. I felt relaxed at this point and focused on just getting to mile 10. At this point I realized a) I was drinking a lot less water than I did at VA Beach Half AND b) I was not dumping a cup of water on me at every water station. These things were good signs to me.

Miles 10-11 I kept thinking I was going to hit a wall. Looking back, I know I was just scared because of VA Beach (where I hit the wall hard at Mile 11). I started picking up the pace more and realized I could crush my goal IF I didn’t get injured, get a cramp, etc. I  saw a girl wipe out and eat pavement… that made me even more cautious of watching my feet and where I was stepping.

Miles 12-13.1 I kicked it in high gear and ran faster than I ever do on Mile 12 (around 8min/mile pace) and then I all out sprinted the last .10. I was running past so many people going full speed and I STILL felt good… how this is possible, I have no idea? I had more miles in me when I crossed the finish line at 2:03:10.

Afterthoughts: This race was just one of those days where everything aligns perfectly and I know those days are rare. It pains me to think the next half could be much, much different. I could not have asked for a better race day experience! I can imagine running 10 more races and this one still being my favorite.

Race Loves:

• Fans - there were fans throughout the entire course. In VA Beach we had 6 miles or so with no one around (other than fellow runners). I really enjoyed the fans AND the signs the fan had. From “Call Me Maybe” with a phone number, to “Your Butt Looks Great!” the signs rocked. I actually wished I was carrying a camera to snap pictures of my favorites (knowing I would forget a lot of them!).

• Course – I was a little afraid of a semi-hilly course (even though I train with hills) but I loved it. Probably because there were so many long, smooth downhills!

Things They Can Improve

• Water Stops – they should have either a) had them on both sides of the course in most places OR b) had more tables (so you can pass by the congested first tables and get to the next ones).

• Finish Line – VA Beach nailed this and Baltimore failed. The finish line area was so congested and messy at VA Beach. I ended up having to ask a little kid to give me a medal… it was a big mass crowd all trying to get their medal, a drink and some food. I almost missed the food completely and never got to the beer. VA Beach had a straight line where you just kept walking and people handed you first your medal, then a water, then it just kept going (snacks, wet towels, etc). I missed a lot of stuff in the finishers area because it was such a horrible mess of people. 

Race Details: 

Saturday October 13, 2012

Baltimore Half Marathon

Baltimore, MD

Time: 2:03:10

Running Skirts

Recently I bought two running skirts... I'm still trying to decide what I think. Anyone wear running skirts?

North Face "East My Dust" Skirt... I like my pace on that 10 miler, so if the skirt is responsible ;-), I'll take it!

Retiring

I'm officially retiring my first pair of running specific shoes... that I just bought April 21st!

Mizuno Waves:

They have over 550 miles on them, so it is definitely time.

And for a shot of the new kicks. Brooks Ravennas:

Round 2 with 13.1

In 6 days I’m going for Round 2 with 13.1 miles in Baltimore. And I’m just as scareddd (maybe more) as the first time for many reasons.

1)      Because this is my second half marathon everyone expects me to do better (including myself)

2)      Last time I missed my goal by just over 1 minute… that was depressing. I’m keeping the same goal (2:15) and really want to beat it.

3)      I am running this one solo… and there aren’t pacers. This one scares me the most. No friend to run with AND no pacer to keep me slower in the beginning so I don’t kill myself with speed in the beginning. I do not enjoy checking my garmin every 2 minutes but I guess that’s what I’ll be doing to keep myself on track. It just makes for a much less enjoyable run. Also all of my long runs have pretty much been with running buddies, so I’m used to the company and someone else pushing me.

4)      Time + Weather… The half starts at 9:45am… ugh. I’m used to running at 6 or 7am. Who knows what the weather is going to be like. And my friend is running the marathon which starts at 8am so I’ll have a lot of time to kill… and get even more nervous!

Running is very much a mental game for me so I’m trying to not let myself get too worked up. I’m trying to make a plan and repeat it so I don’t get worked up.

Plan:

·         Try to keep a 10 minute pace through Mile 8 and only then pick up the pace if I’m somehow feeling really good (aka don’t start out running 9 minute miles and be dead by mile 4).

·         Use 10 minute miles as my number to calculate goal on… because it’s easy and I get runners brain and can’t do math.

·         Write mile splits for 8, 10, 12 on my arm in sharpie. I know, it’s easy to calculate but I get really dumb when running.

·         Take the Gatorade chews I’ve been practicing with and eat them around mile 7-8. Possibly take Candy Corn in case I need a sugar jolt.

·         Make friends in my starting corral! Be outgoing throughout the race and make friends to keep me going!

Any other tips? 

Sept 2nd after my first Half Marathon 

Do you have one of “those” days?

I had a horrible night of sleep last night. I accidentally hit the snooze button when my alarm went off at 4:47am (for some reason I feel better with 4:47 then 4:45). Fell back asleep, hard. Woke up at 5 and needed to leave in 15 minutes for my run. Did not want to run or even move. Just wanted to crawl back into bed… but I had a running buddy to meet! Almost forgot my garmin. Realized I probably should’ve taken the morning off because I have a long run (10 miles) tomorrow morning. Too late.

Start running, need to strip a layer because I’m too warm. Have to stop to go to the bathroom at the gas station. Get something stuck in my shoe, start prying it out only to realize it’s a broken beer bottle. Of course I had already cut myself at this point. Continue running with my finger bleeding only to realize my watch was still paused.

Finally get to the end of my run and just want to chug water and go home. Hit my head on the car trying to grab my water bottle. Seriously?! Get home to find my macbook went haywire and thinks it is the year 2000... Maybe it’s from all those old high school AIM chats I was reading last night, the computer wants to go back in time and make me not such a needy, boy crazy teenage girl. Ohhh if I could do it all again with the knowledge I have now… I’d seriously ROCK IT.

So it’s only 10am and it’s already one of “those” days. 

My New Baby... Garmin 310xt

Guess what arrived?!

I was too excited to take a photo before ripping into the packaging!

It's the Garmin 310xt. It's a bit like wearing a calculator on my wrist, but since I'm used to wearing my iphone on my forearm when running, I've been pretty comfortable.

First Run with the Garmin!

I've had it less than a week, so I'll save a full review for later!

Does anyone else have a Garmin? Nike+? Another brand?

11 Miles of #*$!, 10.3 of Heaven

Last Thursday, I planned to attempt 14 miles with my running buddy. Why? Well 10 miles was my longest run and 14 was a goal I had for before running the half marathon (just so I KNEW I could do it and then some).

Thursday morning we started our normal run and everything was fine. But around mile 8 I was hating life. By 9 my legs felt like they weighed a thousand pounds. By 10 I didn’t think I could take another step. I knew I had to hit at least my back up goal (11 miles, since 10 was my previous longest). About every other second I wondered if I could make 11 miles. When we stopped (and I said bye to my running buddy so he could finish his 20 mile run) I knew I couldn’t drive right away. I drank some water, stretched and stretched some more. I finally felt like I could drive home but overall I felt awful. All day I felt bad, couldn’t stay awake at my desk at work and generally hated everything. I made myself go out that evening and run 3 miles (even though it’s not the same, I did 14 for the day). 

Friday we did an easy 6 miles (partially in the rain) and it felt good. Saturday I took the dogs to the park and walked/jogged a couple miles. Sunday, I had a 7 mile run scheduled with a different friend of mine who is training for a marathon in November. 

I took her on the “run through the city” that I usually do with my running buddy and we had a nice 7 mile run. The weather was absolutely amazing (it felt like fall) and I was not drenched in sweat at the end of 7 miles (which is how I normally am). I actually felt like I could keep going. Well the running gods smiled down on me, because my running buddy (along with two of his coworkers) ran by at that exact moment. They had just gotten off of a 12 hour shift and were putting a few miles in before they went to bed. I jumped in on the chance to add a couple more miles to my day. A couple more turned into 3.3 and honestly I probably couldn’t done more (still wish I had kept going till it started to suck!). Those 10.3 miles felt amazing. They never felt hard or horrible or painful. It reminded me why I love running.

There’s a number of reasons those two runs might have felt very different – the weather being one. Me letting the mental game win could be another. Knowing I’m setting out to try for 14 vs. setting out for 7, feeling good and keeping on… my mind treats those very differently. I know I have to beat the mental game, but for now, I’m just going to be thankful for the glorious 10.3 amazing miles I had on Sunday. 

26.2… dollars that is!

Sunday, I saw my favorite online running store was having a $26.2 sale in celebration of the men’s Olympic marathon. I was very excited to see my favorite compression sleeves on sale! Of course, I had to buy them… in HOT PINK. I actually made the entire purchase from my iphone (possibly a first for me) because I was so excited and didn’t want them to sell out (or the more probable – I forget to order them later). 

One of the best parts about running warehouse is they have free 2 day shipping, so I won’t have to wait long for my new PINK compression sleeves!!

Mini-Mudder

A few weeks ago, a friend's husband tweeted me to ask if I wanted to join his team for a Mini-Mudder (co-ed teams needed 3 guys & 3 girls). I immediately said yes without asking another question... crazy? Yeah, maybe. Even crazier, I put it on my calendar & then kind-of forgot about it. I didn't look at the details, think about what to wear or anything else. Then Friday, I finally read the race info....

Words like "wall climb", "log carry" & "sand pit" SCARED ME. I'll be honest, I momentarily thought about bailing. Then I decided to just do what I originally did and forget about it. I'd go, compete and do my best. Hopefully, not be a complete embarassment!

Saturday morning I realized I had no idea what I should wear... OOPS! I went with a pair of shorts and our team captain provided shorts. Looking back I should have worn capri workout pants - they would have protected my (now very scratched) knees!

After meeting my team members (I only knew 2 prior to Saturday) we had a long wait for the start... in the brutal August sun. Maybe I should have packed my sunscreen!

When we finally got to start, I was so excited. Maybe a little too excited, as I started that log carry out a little too fast. Luckily, I slowed myself down about 2/3rds of the way around the track, realizing I still had 3 miles and a lot of obstacles to go.

We had a great team & AWESOME fans (who drove golf carts beside us cheering us on!). We went from the log carry, to the sand pit, to running a few hills, then on to the awesome slip & slide (my favorite part), then the mud crawl (where the rocks in the mud killed me!), then we were on to running through the creek, carrying cinder blocks, the push up challenge and finally the wall climb (my worst enemy!).

It was one HECK of a workout! And we got SECOND place!! I am bruised and sore... and I love every bit of it! I'm hoping it isn't my last mini-mudder!

TEAM AWESOME!

The last weekend of July, Babe & I finally had our first official "guest" to come spend the weekend at our house. It only took 2.5 years (that is what happens when you never leave "home" & all of your friends parents still live here). After the long awaited arrival of our first weekend guest, all I can say is we <3 having guests come visit.

My friend from JMU, Maddi, came to visit and we had a blast. We hiked, we played at the river, we went wine tasting, had brunch and EVEN milked a cow by hand... we know how to plan a weekend. Heck, we even ran 2X while she was here (I'm running the half marathon with her in September!).

We loved it and can't wait for our next guests (or for Maddi to hurry up and come back again!!).

Thanks to Maddi for the awesome photos! 

At the top of Humpback Rocks Hike

Milking a cow by hand!

Drinking Raw Milk - yum!!!

Roasting Marshmallows

Wine @ Barren Ridge Vineyards