Looking Back and Forward...

I wrote this post on the plane yesterday but didn't have time to post when I was dealing with the snowstorm last night... 

Looking back on the last year of my life is a crazy thing. A year ago I was flying home from California to heart breaking pain, a broken home, a mess... and a path that would soon unravel like a bad Lifetime movie. The day following my return would begin the first of many times my (now ex) husband would return and send my life spinning in yet another tailspin. I was living in a fog, life was a blur of tears and hurt.

This year I'm flying back from California to a different life. The weight of the world I carried last year is a memory. This year I found myself sipping cocktails and considering a life in sunny California. Or maybe the Carolinas? How about TX?... I found myself meeting new people, laughing and smiling from somewhere so deep within that I nearly forgot that depth of happiness existed. Found myself being amazed by the fantastic friends I have at home, and the offers to help make sure I return safely (in the impending snow storm). Simply in awe of how far life has brought me in the last year. And in awe of all the opportunities that the future holds. I feel like I'm standing on a cliff, ready to jump and just try flying...

Do I struggle ever? Cry out in pain and hurt? Yep, I do. I bet I will have times like that for the rest of my life. Because this will not be the last tragedy in my life. More will come. That is life. What happens isn't nearly as important as how you recover from it.

A Post from the Past

I found this blog I drafted back in February and never posted. It’s raw & honest and very true to the pain I’ve felt over the last 4 months…

From February:

“True Strength is holding it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart.”  – Unknown 

Running has been my solace over the last 4 weeks. Yoga – where you’re forced to stop and be still – has been my arch nemesis. I’ve struggled day in and day out but I’ve still laced up my running shoes and pounded the pavement. I’ve cried through runs, struggled to breathe and fought to finish but I have kept going. Those hard runs have been just like my life these last 4 weeks…. Painful. A struggle. A fight to make it through. There have been many times I just want to quit, wave the white flag and retreat to a hiding place. I’m still trying to battle my way through life everyday… hoping that the battle one day ends and I’m back to a place I can call “normal”.. a new normal, but a normal none-the-less. 

A big thank you to everyone who has lent their shield or their sword to help me make it through the battle that is my life right now. I will never forget the strength I have been given from others to get up and keep going every day. 

Letting Go of the Familiar

It’s taken me months to sit down and write this blog. I didn't know how to write another blog post about running or my life adventures until I could first acknowledge the new path my life has taken. I’m still not sure I can, but this is me trying...

My husband left me. 

That’s not the whole story, that doesn't even begin to explain what has happened or the roller coaster I've been on, but it does state the obvious fact that my life has taken a new direction. It took me nearly two months to really accept the choices he has made (although I don’t agree with them) and start moving forward with my own life.

Last week I signed up for my first full marathon – in the midst of my life crisis, I must be crazy right? Well this marathon sign-up has been long planned and I couldn't let go of my dreams. I fought for an hour to get into the Marine Corps Marathon – along with my running buddy Patty. It was a big deal to get that confirmation screen (finally! That registration was a mess.) and realize I had just signed up for my first full marathon, despite my heart being broken and my life being in shambles.

I could not have survived the last 71 days without my family and friends. There are absolutely no words for how incredibly blessed I am. I have had more people surrounding me & supporting me than anyone could ever ask for. I am truly blessed beyond what I deserve. I am thankful to have such amazing supporters in my life every day.

“Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.”  -Raymond Lindquist

That is exactly what I am trying to do now. Letting go of the familiar (and comfortable) and starting a new journey in life. And I’ll be right here, blogging about my so called grown up life (the good and the bad). 

xoxo

-a.

Jammed Pack Days...

Last post was chocked full of what I've been up to. This post is what the next few weeks has in store...

This Saturday night we have a wedding, my work Christmas party and an engagement party. Since we love everyone - I decided to RSVP yes to all 3. It's going to be a whirlwind of a night... think I can count it as my workout? AND I get to wear my new dress that's been hanging in the closet for the last month or so. YAY!

Then I finally get to have dinner with some amazing girls who I have been missing so much lately:

They make my heart smile :)

Then it's Andy's work Christmas dinner. Last year he had been at the station for about a month when we went to the Christmas dinner... that feels like forever ago!

Then this not so little guy has an Orf Concert at school!

Then I'll be furiously wrapping presents before I head off to Philadelphia (my first time, other than the airport) for work. I'll be meeting with some venues for an event I'm planning in May there. It will be a jam packed 2 days AND {another first} we're taking the train {to avoid the ridiculousness that has now become air travel + it has WIFI so we can get work done!}. 

When I get back on the 21st I'll be off until January 3rd (also my 1 year work anniversary). 

It's going to be jammed pack -- and I LOVE it.

Time is Flying...

A month ago I made a quick but busy trip to RI for work. The reason for that trip was to take a gazillion (okay more like hundreds) photos of our products for a new catalog I was designing for the company. Thankfully, I was not responsible for the actual taking of the photos or the tedious process of making them transparent (I'm lucky our analyst knows photoshop!).

Then I got back from RI and dropped off the face of the earth as I designed the catalog... which went to the printers the day before thanksgiving. That's when I promptly headed to the bar for this:

 

Oh Fat Tire, how I love thee. And in the most non-diet friendly decision I went for a second and some fries. It was glorious and necessary.

Of course it was off to the races after that... the crazyness that is the start of the holidays. I cooked for the PD on Thanksgiving... my first time making banana pudding!

The cupcakes with cookie dough center were quite the hit too! Sadly, no photo, but they looked like normal cupcakes but with a surprise center!

We then made the trek to find a Christmas Tree --- first time without my parents & my brother. It was interesting.... for a brief moment at Christmas Tree Farm #2 we considered just not getting a tree. But we finally just caved and made it work.... not quite as tall as we had hoped but it'll do. Even though we couldn't get it straight by ourselves... and it's still leaning today.

Then of course it was time for our 2nd Annual Thanksgiving Bash with friends. The best thing about living "at home" (aka Valley) is when people come home to visit family they visit you too!!!

Oh yeah - and at some point in the mix I became a brunette for the winter season. 

And then I went on Christmas Tree Hunt #2 w/ my parents & the boys. I must be crazy.

And somewhere in the mix I managed to make a couple meals... (and some delicious bread that I managed to not get photos of!). 

 Life is just getting crazier by the moment, but stay tuned, I'll be back... or at least I'll try!

Half of life is messing up; the other half is dealing with it.

 Love this simple quote. 

Sometimes I forget that life isn't meant to be perfect... that I don't have to get it right every time.

Here's to messing up & dealing with it.