Memories

This October I skipped blogging about the thing that makes a week in October hard as hell. 

Last year I wrote pretty candidly about the death of (at the time) my 16 year old sister-in-law to be. Andy's only sibling, an amazing, beautiful girl and a testament to God's love. Our Angel of Faith, on earth & now in Heaven. 

This year, I went to start a post and honestly, I just couldn't finish it. I had made myself remember and relive those awful details of the hospital over the days before the 2 year anniversary of her death and I just couldn't get into words what I was feeling. 

Ang & I before her homecoming dance

I did save this (see below) in a draft, even though it wasn't finished. I decided to leave it as is, raw and imperfect and not try to finish those thoughts and drag up those memories. I instead tried to relive her laughter, her smiles and her crazy antics. Those are the memories I should be writing about....

I watched you take your last breath. Watched your family fall apart.

I held your brother's hand wishing somehow I could touch his heart.

It didn't feel real. A nightmare that I would surely wake up from.

It didn't feel real. Days blurred together... picking photos, poems, songs, a casket.

It doesn't feel real.