Growing Up?

So I'm not sure exactly when it happened... maybe it was when I walked across the stage and graduated from JMU... maybe it was the moment Andy got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife... maybe it was the moment we signed the contract on the house... OR maybe it was a combination of all these things that makes people now refer to me as a "grown up".

It's funny because I'm not sure how much more "grown up" I feel because of these things... but now I'm suddenly (supposedly) grown up and I don't know when it happened. I mean, honestly, it was only a year and a half ago that I was turning 21 and celebrating being able to buy a drink. It was only a couple years before that when I walked into my first class at JMU. When did I grow up?

...but then there are days like today... when the weight of the last few months weighs down on my shoulders and I feel so old. Because in reality it is death that has made me grow up. Sometimes I think I became a "grown up" the day Ang died and I stood beside the man I love, trying to be strong. Maybe it was before that, maybe it was the moment we got the call about the accident that horrible Monday morning. The two of us in the car, sitting at the stoplight, unsure of what to say, just scared. That was the moment I realized life had changed. There was no way at that moment I could have imagined Ang being gone... I instead imagined the long path to recovery she would have... the daily trips to Charlottesville that I thought would soon be commonplace. I imagined us all pulling together to help her recover... not us all pulling together to help each other recover from losing our angel.

If this is growing up... can I go back? Can I go back to a time before I really understood it all. A time before I was grown up enough to understand...

 

Rain by Creed

  - this song is my themesong

Can you help me out?
Can you let me a hand?
It's safe to say that
I'm stuck again

Trapped between this life and the light
I just can't figure out
How to make it right

A thousand times before
I've wondered if there's something more
Something more...

I feel it's gonna rain like this for days
So let it rain down and wash everything away
I hope that tomorrow the sun will shine
With every tomorrow comes another life

I feel it's gonna rain
For days and days
I feel it's gonna rain

I tried to figure out
I can understand
What it means to live on again

Trapped between the truth and the consequence
Nothings real
Nothings making sense

A thousand times before
I've wondered if there's something more
Something more...

I feel it's gonna rain like this for days
So let it rain down and wash everything away
I hope that tomorrow the sun will shine
I feel it's gonna rain like this
Rain like this
Rain like this

Fall down
Wash away my yesterdays
Fall down
So let the rain fall down on me

I feel it's gonna rain like this for days
Let it rain down and wash everything away
I hope that tomorrow the sun will shine
I feel it's gonna rain like this
Rain like this
Rain like this

I feel it's gonna rain like this
Rain like this

I feel it's gonna rain like this
I feel it's gonna rain...